Going Out Like That
by HJ Russo
Summary: Life throws this group of friends a curveball. This is how they deal with it. Now will it tear them a part? Or bring them even more closer? Only time will tell.
1. Chapter 1

**Going Out Like That**

**By HJ Russo**

**Rating R**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea**

**Summary: Life throws this group of friends a curveball. This is how they deal with it. Now will it tear them a part? Or bring them even more closer? Only time will tell.**

**Couples: Anything is possible.**

Have you ever felt like the best possible way for everything to do was to end everything? That way you wouldn't be able to feel any more of the pain of rejection? The look of shame and even hatred coming from your so called friends? The people that are supposed to have your back and love you no matter what seemed to turn their backs on you. Just because someone slipped some dangerous and untruthful words from their poisonous mouth? Now some may say that would be the easy way out, or you would be a complete pussy for doing it.

Well I say its bullshit. No one has the fucking right to say shit when they don't know it.

The darkness that just fills your soul so much that you don't even remember anything else but that. It is funny how much power we give other people to have over us isn't it? How with one look or one word can break everything in us? When you think about that it is really pathetic on how we have a tendency to depend on other so much for our self-worth. Why can't we just love ourselves and be happy with that?

Again I say bullshit. It is easier said than done I know. But don't you wish it was true. My life use to be so perfect, no scratch that. Hell I don't even know the right word to use, but it was a hella lot better then what it is now. I use to have a family. Not just any ordinary family, because they aren't family by blood. I lost that long ago when the slut who gave me life decided that I wasn't worth it and left me in a trash can next to a fucking police station. I should be thankful that they decided to throw away all those empty donut boxes otherwise I would have never been discovered.

Sorry I am getting off tracked aren't I? Well anyway after I was discovered I was thrown into the lovely system hoping someone would adopt the poor baby someone just threw away. They say it is easier to get adopted when you are a baby. People prefer babies compared to older children. Well that wasn't my luck. I don't know what it was, was it the fact that my mother was a cold stone drug addicted who got knocked up by her latest pimp that they were afraid that the child of a whore would be just like her? When it seemed like they finally gave up hope of ever getting rid of the hopeless child. I was shuttled of to the place that would become my home for the first 18 years of my life. A barely passible orphanage that for some luck or reason still was open. Now don't get me wrong the people who ran it were good people they loved the children that were there. No abuse or neglect took place. There just wasn't that much money around there. They could barely afford to keep the doors open which I guess was the only Christmas gift we needed right? It was better than the alternative. They were actually the ones who gave me my name.

Which isn't important. Because I am not important. But at one time I had people who actually believed that which made me believe it.

Sigh.

There I go again; going off track.

Anyway the place was pretty decent. And that is the place I met my family. The group of kids that were there became my siblings. There was nothing that we wouldn't do for one another. Even after all the shit that went down recently it still brings a smile to my face to think of the days when we were family and not enemies. Even after everything that went down I still consider those people my family. Because how can one call another family only in good times. It doesn't you have to go through the bad shit to know that the so called bond you claim to have is really strong enough to wither. And for the most part it had.

Time for another pointless sigh.

Riker was the oldest of the bunch. He was the big brother that so desperately wanted and ended up having. He took it upon himself to make sure that everyone else was taken care off. When it was time to find food, he would always be the last one to eat. If there was even enough to go around that is. Like I said the place was decent but barely running. He always made sure that if we were outside the walls of our so called home, that we would have each other's backs. And if one of us came into trouble Riker would be the one that would come rescue us.

Rocky was the complete fuck up. But we loved him. He was our brother but he pulled some dumb shit. I will never forget one day coming in and seeing Rocky getting his ass kicked by Ellington when Ellington found Rocky was fucking around with his girl Kelly. I thought we were going to lose Rocky that night Ellington really did a number on him. But after everything things managed to go back to semi normal. Things really weren't the same between them but everything was cool. It helped that Ellington started to see someone else. But that was the moment that he started keeping his distance with not just Rocky but everyone.

Laura. Sweet innocent Laura. That is what everyone thought. She was the one that everyone made sure was protected. Fragile and quiet was the outer persona she gave out. She always made sure other people were happy even at the expense of herself. During the days she would spend writing in her journal when she wasn't with everyone. I remember how everyone basically gathered around her to protect her, like she was some porcelain doll that would break at any minute. At times I have to admit I was jealous of her. Why couldn't anyone be that protective of me? And was someone as weak and gentle as she proclaimed that she was? See the thing was that one night I found out that was completely untrue. I was coming home one night after school and that was when I saw a glimpse of the true Laura. I heard laughing coming from the side of the home and at that time of night there shouldn't be anything going on. So I turned and look and what I saw completely took me by surprise. There was sweet innocent Laura against the wall of the building with her legs spread with some guy in between her legs basically eating her out, what shocked me more was the blond tassel of hair that I saw.

Riker

And James.

Do I need to say anymore? Turns out Laura and Riker had been secretly together for months at that point. And James? James was their secret fuck buddy. The image of James fucking Riker in the ass while he fingered Laura would be something I couldn't bleach from my brain.

Maia was the other girl in the group. She and Laura were really close almost like they were sisters from blood. Maia was a free spirit who did whatever the hell she wanted and really didn't give a shit about the consequences. This was refreshing. There was no rule that Maia didn't love to break, it was like it was in her to break it, and it was like she could NOT not break it you know? But that didn't make her a bad person, it made her who she was and that was the person that we all loved.

What can I say about Ross? He was an egotistical piece of shit that believed that he was the second coming of Jesus. He had a stick so far up his ass you would have thought that he would have been even taller. Ross knew he was attractive and that girls would be throwing themselves at him. Which they did. Ross was such a horny asshole he even banged guys. Ross made everyone want to sleep with him. And he knew it. He with that damn shit eating grin fucking knew it. That was the thing that really pissed me off about him, he seemed like he really didn't give a damn about anyone but getting off. Sure he had our back but he really was only looking out for number one and for Ross that was Ross. But he was still family.

He was a manwhore but he was our manwhore. Ross could drive anyone insane but if someone dared to hurt him or attack him we all would rally around, because in the end no one messed with our family without receiving any consequences.

I close my eyes as the thought of what was once was burned inside of me. Tears couldn't even come as they dried out a long time ago. I just can't believe how far everything went to shit and how fast. We all were so close but know would they even care if I died?

Because I honestly don't know. Because right now that is the only thing that I craved.

To finally be free from this torment and to finally be at some kind of peace.

Peace.

That sounds lovely doesn't it?

And at this point I can't say I would miss them. I know I just spent the majority of this saying how I would.

See the struggle I face?

As much as I miss them and love them. I hate them as much. Maybe even a bit more. They were the only fucking family I had and every single one of them turned their back on me. Was everything a big fat fucking lie then? Well obviously it was. And I hate myself for even believing them. That makes me the worst culprit even worse than them. I was fooling myself into thinking that anyone could ever love me. That anyone could ever see the real me. How could I think that I was something that was worth something?

Shit.

Here are the God Dammed tears that I thought were done.

Another fucking lie.

I can actually feel my throat burning from these fucking tears. Why am I even crying? It's not like someone is noticing. Like anyone would care that someone as worthless like I am is in pain.

All I hear is silence and I try and scream into the darkness but nothing comes out. Is it because the darkness is my only home?

Sigh.

Well then I guess I should just accept that and let go. Why should I live in such constant pain and hurt? Why do I need to feel like I am some worthless being that doesn't deserve to be loved and to love? Why do I even try? As I am typing this I am counting down to the final seconds. I have made up my mind in what I am going to do. So whoever reads this just know that you may not condone this and that is okay. Because I am done with caring what others think. Get back to me when you feel nothing because that is how you feel.

Riker, Rocky,Laura, and Maia. We were once a family and now you treat me like I am nothing. Well here is my final act of friendship if you want to call it that. Just please know that I didn't do what you guys think I did. You guys were my family and I never would treat my family the way you guys treated me. But what I am saying won't change anything. You guys already threw me away.

Once again I was thrown away. Guess that means I really am trash.

Well you guys don't have to worry about me anymore. I just wanted to say goodbye.

So Goodbye.

And with those two words, she hit send, to send her final words to the people that were once so close to her. Now they felt like strangers. And within a few seconds a gunshot shattered the once silence that was the only thing Rydel knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Going Out Like That**

**By HJ Russo**

The smell of death mixed with tears and shame and despair could be smelled from miles afar. It nearly made him gag. When he first saw that email from Rydel he almost deleted it. It was almost like second nature for him to delete anything about that bitch. After what she did to everyone the last person he thought he would care about would be her. But when he saw that email he let his curiosity get the best of him, after all it had been years since any of them heard from her. Why would she even attempt to contact any of them after what happened? Didn't she know that she was no longer welcomed into their family? That after what she did that no one would even want to see her let alone hear from her? But he had to admit that he was curious to why she finally reached out. And from what he read, it sent shivers down his spine.

He knows the last person he should ever feel sorry for is her. But despite his attempts to not care, how could he not rush back to see if there was anything that he could do to help. When he first read those words, he felt the bile rise up in his throat. You could feel the utter loneliness from the simple words in that email. And it broke his heart. And when she stated that she was innocent he had a moment that he questioned if he and everyone were wrong into thinking that she was responsible for what happened.

Could they be wrong?

Honestly after reading that email he kind of hopes they weren't. Because if they were wrong and blamed Rydel for what happened then they basically sentenced her to her death. And the guilt from that would drown them all.

Damn.

He really is a selfish son of a bitch.

Despite everything that went down he couldn't help but feel pain for the girl that he once considered a sister. They all had been so close for so many years he couldn't help but feel for the girl he once knew. Rydel and he were the first ones to have formed a bond in that home when they were little. They bonded right away. After learning about what happened to her when she was a baby and how her mother just threw her away, he felt like someone needed to watch out for her. And he took it as his responsibility. He can still remember how he was excited he was when he learned that he wouldn't be as lonely as the only child in the home after all. This was before everybody else got there. Despite of everything that she been through she was a happy baby, and being that he was 5 years old at the time he decided right there and then that he wasn't going to let anyone hurt her. She was going to be his little sister after all and that if anyone wanted to try and make her cry then they were going to have to answer to him.

The home was the only home that he knew. He had been living there on and off ever since he was born. He actually got adopted right away almost as soon as he was out of his mother's womb. But it didn't really last long, as soon as they got pregnant with their so called "real" baby he was tossed into the system. And he bounced around from the home to foster until he was about five when her last set of foster parents told the state that he was unlovable so he was thrown back into the system. The ladies at the home were good to him, even as a small child he could definitely read the sad looks that were given to him. How he always seemed to be on the losing side of life. So after the last one the state figured he would be better off as a permeant fixture in the home so he could get some sort of a regular life, if you could call it that. So when he saw Rydel he felt something was finally becoming good for him. They had an instant bond right away and as they grew up it got even deeper.

Riker sighed.

How the hell could everything have gone so wrong?

Right now is the wrong time to think about this. What is important is to make sure Rydel didn't die. It took some finessing but he finally located were his former friend lived, and he rushed over to where she lived and since he didn't have a key he got the super to let him in and what they saw would nearly make a grown man puke. The smell of her impending death could actually be smelled. He walked around the small broken down apartment and the sight broke his heart even more. How could Rydel fall back in to something like this? They made it out and made something of themselves. But of course after everyone turned their back on her, who knows why she ended up in a place like this, and there was that pesky guilt thing. As Riker continued to walk further into the apartment, the smell became stronger and stronger. And his heartbeat was becoming louder and louder that you would have thought that the super could have heard. His palms were becoming slick with sweat and when he made the left turn towards what he assumed is her room, his face went pale.

There was so much blood.

Rydel's blood.

He just froze for a second. Riker turned his head a bit to the right and that was when he saw her. And his heart dropped in his chest. She really did it; she really took her own life. Riker couldn't remember saying it but he turned and saw the super call 911.

Riker couldn't help but think that was that call all in vain? Was Rydel already dead? Riker leaned over and was trying to find a pulse. His hand was shaking so bad he wouldn't be surprised if he woke the neighbors.

Damn.

How the hell could it all lead to this? No matter what she did no one deserved to be treated the way that she was. To be treated so poorly by her so called friends? Family? To the point of wanting to take your own life.

Oh My God. He did this. They all did this. He doesn't remember crying but he must be as his eyes are burning and his cheeks are wet.

Wait.

Was that…?

Thank god that was a pulse. She wasn't dead.

Not yet anyway, so there is a chance. Riker turned and screamed were the hell was the ambulance. They are on their way the super claimed. They couldn't come fast enough. Because even though she had a pulse it was very weak and who knew it would last.

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Where the fuck were they? Every second was lost the longer they took and that meant that Rydel was inching closer to her death. Finally after what seemed like an eternity they finally came. Riker moved back as he watch the paramedics take care of her, they were asking him questions about what happened.

And he really couldn't answer. He couldn't answer any of those questions that would have been so easy with someone who he was once close with. But since they were no longer close he really couldn't answer. He sounded like a complete fool, and he felt like one too. The paramedics realized he didn't know much so they continued their attention on Rydel, they finally got her loaded up on the bed and wheeled her out of her room so they can get her loaded in the ambulance. Riker couldn't move, he turned and looked around this tiny dark room. He couldn't help but think that this small tiny room with cracks in the wall and the paint was fading away could be the last place Rydel would have seen alive. This was the place that could be were his friend lost her life. And he couldn't help but fall to his knees and cry out in agony. To know that someone that he knew was in such pain that the only alternative was to take her own life?

To now that he played a part in this? It nearly drowned him. He knows he should have moved by now but it was like he physically couldn't. He just couldn't wrap his head around that fact. They were so close, they all were. How could have everything fell apart.

He knows how it could.

They all could. They all have broken her down to this point. But to be fair how any of them could have known this would happen. Rydel did a horrendous thing to all of them so what could they do but to turn their backs on her. It wasn't like they made that decision so likely. He can still remember Laura's voice as it broke with tears asking us to change our minds. To see that Rydel was our best friend and that she needed help. Everyone else just rolled their eyes and told her that Rydel was beyond help. Maia hugged Laura and told her that none of us wanted to it either but how much could we take from Rydel? Rydel started to go on a dark path and if we weren't careful then all of us would go under too. Laura finally agreed, but you could tell it wasn't what she wanted. I think that was the turning point for Laura in our relationship. It wasn't much longer when she broke things off. Riker was desperately trying to repair things but the look in her eyes told him that it was too late.

Things were done and everything wouldn't be the same.

Sigh.

Next thing Riker knew was that he is now sitting in a cold and sterile hospital waiting room waiting to see if there was a chance if Rydel was going to make it. Or did they really push her over the edge? Riker contemplated about calling everyone, but he decided not to.

At least not yet. Because he really didn't know what to tell them.

Plus he was a chickenshit. How would everyone react? None of them have had any contact with Rydel in years. Would they even care? Yes he knows it's cold to say but they really didn't seem to notice Rydel was missing from their lives after a while. Everyone's lives went on like she wasn't even a part of it. After a cheap fling with Kelly, Rocky finally found someone to love and settle down with.

Believe it or not, Ellington and Rocky made a terrific couple. It was shocking to say the least but they were happy.

After breaking things off with him, Laura and James decided to make a go of things. It broke Riker's heart into a million pieces, but she was happy and that was all that matters. Laura couldn't really look at Riker the same after the decision, but they were still friends, so Riker could take what he could get. After the breakup he and Maia ended up hooking up a couple of times, but in the end they realized that they were better off as friends. Plus their little fling did some damage to Maia's friendship with Laura.

Yes Riker fucked up again. But what else is new. Maia ended up meeting a guy named Tristian. And so far they seem to be happy.

The one person that really shocked Riker was Ross. Ross was still his usual smart ass but he seemed more mature. Sure there were times Ross still had his head up his own ass, but he didn't bounce from bed to bed as he did before.

He really has to thank Brad for that.

As Riker was lost in catching up the doctor came out. Riker stood up ready to face what the doctor had to say.


End file.
